Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
