she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
