Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
