Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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