I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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