my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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