i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
