walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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