somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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