I didn't shave. On purpose
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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