Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
