I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think my vagina is haunted
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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