It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
