I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
