I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
