He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
