I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
