my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize