Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
