no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
