Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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