It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
