I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
