So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there is glitter all over my balls
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