all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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