my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
