He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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