Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize