Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
