Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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