i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
