i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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