I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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