There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
