I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
