well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
