My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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