porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
