In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
