I am spending my child support on dildos
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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