she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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