you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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