If that was your dad, he is hot
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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