I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
