I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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