i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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