There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize