last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't turn off my feet"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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