I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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