I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize