Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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