Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
