What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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