Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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