he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
