who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize