you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
