he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
