He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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