her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize