Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
