I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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