She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
