i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
