I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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