Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
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