Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize