My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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