we're chasing vodka with high fives
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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