You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
