wanna go halves on a baby?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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