I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
