Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
