Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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