Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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