My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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