this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
