Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
