Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
