So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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