My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
