Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
