Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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