We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
