I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
