are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
