I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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