Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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