so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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