please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
