East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
