i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
