Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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