Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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