we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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