sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
