I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
50% drunk capacity currently
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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