too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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