i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
