you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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