I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I need to stop coming to work sober
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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