one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
