found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
