Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
