I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
