This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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