That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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