after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
