I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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