she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
