Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
