this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
